Home Daddy — 1st Entry: What’s In A Nickname?

When our little W was just 4 months old, we started calling him “Little Scammer” or just Scammer for short. We (my wife and I) think he is just adorable, but I am sure every parent feels that way about their little scammer.

His name has 3 syllables. Everyone has been pestering us for a nickname because they are too lazy to call him by a three syllable word (however short it may be). His name starts with W and some have accepted that as his nickname as in, “How’s little W doing?” But let’s talk about how “Scammer” came about.

When my wife was on Maternity leave and COVID-19 had me holed up in the next room working from home, he would only see me:

• first thing in the morning,
• sometimes for a few minutes during the day as I popped out of the main bedroom on some quick thing or to make my lunch,
• and in the evening when I would mostly log off for the night and rejoin my family.

During these times, not seeing me much, he would get so excited to see Daddy. Then I would pitch in with evening feedings which of course meant I had to burp him. For some reason that seemed to defy explanation at the time, he always burped better not only if I held him while patting his back but also if I stood up and walked around a bit while doing it.

I also found that when he needed comfort and would not stop crying, this appeared to be the secret sauce to quiet him down and make him happy. A friend later told me babies love the view from up high and his little bundle of joy reacted pretty much the same way.

Over time, I noticed a change in our baby that I did not give much thought to. His excitement to see me was now accompanied by the incredibly cute action of sticking his little arms up in the air wide apart with bright eyes and a cute little baby smile as if to say: “Pick me up Daddy; pick me up!” And how could I resist? So I would.

Then, just as he was turning four months old, my Paternity leave began. That is when I discovered I had a problem. My back hurts when I give him little baby rides too much, too often, or both, and guess who wanted them all the time now?

One day, my back was bothering me when he stuck his little baby arms out to be picked up and made little sounds of baby excitement. I gave him some other type of attention and then tried to leave him in his crib. His little lips curled down and trembled in what was clearly an angry baby frown. His brow crinkled up. His usually bright eyes welled up with tears and he let out an ear-splitting wailed you would not believe.

I had to work very hard to get him to accept other forms of soothing so Daddy did not have to walk the apartment carrying him all day and all night 24/7. But once we established some normal routines and yet also gave him enough love, attention, and the expectation of some Daddy rides (given while happy not just in response to crying) things seemed to stabilize. But little arms still go out to be picked up more than Daddy answers the call. Enter “The Little Scammer”.

If he starts to cough or spit up a little milk, Daddy puts him in his arms and starts patting his back and, when the burp does not come, he stands with him and walks around patting him and moving until the burp is achieved. During feedings, he would chew the bottle nipple to make milk seep out of the corner of his mouth like it sometimes does when he is bringing a little back up. Daddy thinks he is having trouble and burps him. He would also guzzle his milk until he started to cough and splutter. Again, a Daddy ride with his back being patted to calm him back down before continuing the feeding.

One day I realized that I could pat his chest if he spluttered or coughed a bit and he would be fine. Then I could move the burp-baby-Daddy-ride to the end of the feeding. But he got wise to this and that’s when I started to see an increase in apparent spit ups followed by his little arms in the air to be picked up.

Now I have a tricky judgement call to make during feedings. He just got fussy again. Is it real? Does he have gas and discomfort? If so, a Daddy ride while patting his back can clear that right up. But if our little scammer is trying to score an extra one, better to just pat his chest and make him wait until the end of the feeding or a diaper changing. He gets so happy any time we pick him up for any reason that he loves those too. Fortunately, you can’t fake one of those.

He cried wolf so many times that once he was in his crib crying loudly when nothing seemed wrong and I almost left him there. But then, on instinct, I picked him up to pat him. He quieted down immediately. I walked the apartment with him, hoisted him up near my shoulder, and out came a very loud baby burp. I hugged him, gave him some loving attention, and put him back to his crib. He fussed a bit more and complained because he did not want the Daddy ride to be over, but the crying sounds were not as loud or insistent. 10 minutes later he was back asleep for the afternoon nap.

We love the little guy. We do not want him to suffer needlessly but, for the sake of my back (or my sanity), I have had to learn to wise up to his little baby scams. Someday, I will share this story with him. His full name is deliberately left off so other kids will not be as likely to discover it by accident with a random web search. As parents, we have to think about such things when we write or post about our children.

Though I usually call him by his full name, when I feel the impulse for a nickname, I now alternate the most between these two choices:

• “Little W” and
• “Little Scammer”.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. I hope to do more posts about paternity leave and my experiences with my son with “Home Daddy” in the title.